A half-day version of a Hindu wedding...

All right. This is it. Here's how we got married the first time (as told by K):


The wedding was really really early. And by early I mean that it started at a time of day when I'm normally just barely waking up. BEFORE the wedding I had to shower (essential), travel 40 minutes to the wedding site, drink coffee (more essential than showering), meet the beauticians, and finally, thanks to the beauticians, turn into an apparent stranger. For all of this to happen I had to wake up around 4:30 that morning...so I was tired when we eventually arrived at the wedding hall.

When we got there, we were greeted by the sign in the above picture, which framed the entrance to the wedding hall. This sort of display (I'm not sure what to call it) is standard at Indian weddings (at least Southern Indian weddings). I had no idea what ours would look like and to be honest I hadn't thought about it much. So, it was a nice surprise to see this that morning. In case you're wondering, the sign is made of colored yarn that is glued onto the backboard.

Anyway, I don't have a lot of pictures from the wedding, particularly that morning. However, there are a couple things that I will always remember: the delicious coffee, the amazing view from the wedding hall, the horrible torture associated with having my make-up put on, and witnessing the preparation of a South Indian feast. I wouldn't normally call having make-up applied torture, but this experience was truly grueling. Why was it so bad? Well, I sat in a normal chair, with my head back as far as I could get it, while two women pressed down on my face for what I guess was forty-five minutes. It hurt. I mention this only because this was the first test of my ability to endure painful discomfort for a long period of time that day. The second and third were equally difficult, and involved string cutting into my skin for most of the day (the ceremony is not meant to be sadistic, it was just a consequence of a very heavy garland and a skirt that was tied really, really tight). Anyway, I shouldn't dwell on that stuff....so to move on, here's a picture of Vivek waiting for me during this process - all of these pictures are from my brother:

The wedding started soon after the beauticians were finished with me. I would write more about this, but I was so confused through most of it that I'm afraid that I'll get it all wrong. I do remember that things started when Vivek's Aunt Bhavani came upstairs (where I was getting ready) with garlands and told me that my Uncle needed to put one on me. I seem to remember that he was supposed to put the first one on, but I'm not really sure if that's right. In any case, the garlands were piled on and my uncle escorted me down the stairs to the wedding. I was greeted by apparent chaos. I eventually realized that this chaos was actually the beginning of the part of the wedding where Vivek pretends to decide to become a monk.

Now, you may be wondering what the purpose of this part of the wedding is. I really don't know, except that we were asked to include it since it was the only part of the wedding that is "fun." And, actually, it was kind of fun. Once Vivek pretends to want to skip the wedding, my parents graciously put their pride aside and asked him to consider their daughter's hand in marriage (it took some effort to convince my dad that Vivek didn't really need to be convinced, and also didn't feel like this part of the ceremony was necessary). As a way to convince him to get married, my parents gave Vivek a coconut, and this of course did the trick. (After reading this, Vivek is telling me that I got the purpose of the ceremony wrong, so hopefully he'll explain this part of the ceremony in a later post.) After this, the fun starts. In this next picture one of the priests is pulling a few garlands from around my neck (that red garland was the evil thing that cut into my neck...it left marks that were still there for my defense four weeks later). Behind me is my Uncle Bill. He's squatting a bit because he's just been told that as my uncle, it's his job to hoist me into the air....


Vivek also gets lifted.....and we then throw garlands around each other's necks.



Everyone is having fun - even me and Vivek. After we've exchanged a sufficient number of garlands (three, maybe?) our relatives and priests set us back on the ground. From that moment until the time that we're finally married, Vivek has to hold my right hand in his, in a very particular manner, whenever we're not sitting on a certain mat (again, I'm sure that there's something more to this part of the ceremony, and that the mat itself isn't what's important). You can see that in this next photo. This is right after the garland exchange, and we've been seated for a ceremony in which the married women offer us their blessings.


As part of this ceremony the married women throw ladoos in each of the four cardinal directions around us to ward off evil spirits. Once they've done that we hold out our right hands so they can put three spoons of milk and banana on them, and we're supposed to slurp it up. Here's a picture of my mom doing that for Vivek. My sister Shaela also did this part of the ceremony, but I don't have a picture. (If you're wondering, we're sitting on the mat so it's ok for us to not hold hands at this point.)


All the women do this part of the ceremony, so we actually ate a lot of banana and milk. This was a very good thing, since it was the only food we had until late that afternoon. I actually thought this part of the ceremony was pretty neat. Throughout the women who are not giving us milk and banana are singing something and then at the end they walked/ran around us in a big circle. For that my mom also got to pour water on the floor. Not sure what the significance of that was either, but it looked like it was fun.

From there we moved on to what I believe was the actual wedding ceremony. Inside the wedding hall, on a stage, the priests had started a fire, a holy fire in fact. This fire is the center of the Hindu wedding ceremony and we sat around it and did things. Well really Vivek did things and I watched. Every once in a while I handed something to Vivek and we'd throw it in the fire together. At one point I passed puffed rice from my brother to Vivek. At other points, we'd stand, Vivek would take my hand, and we'd walk around the fire. However, most of what I remember is a lot of chanting and that Vivek repeated a lot of things that the main priest said. The priests would also often take a break in the ceremony to argue (V told me that they arguing about what they were supposed to do next). At one point, my father joined in. Here's a picture of that:


Eventually, I was presented with a gift from Vivek's parents: a 9 yard sari and some gold to wear with it. I was then rushed to a back room where V's Aunt Bhavani and Cousin Bharu helped me change into my new sari. I was very happy in this new sari - not because it was new, but because it is worn is such a way that one's legs are much more free to move. Suddenly, I could walk again! Hurray!

The only downside of the new sari was that sitting down on the floor was a little more difficult. When I got back out it was time for Vivek to marry me. The bride and groom are considered to be married once the groom ties a necklace around the bride's neck (it's a string covered in turmeric and it holds a couple lion pendants). Despite any confusion that I may have had about this, the large crowd that gathered for this part of the ceremony and the applause that followed it made it pretty clear that once that knot was tied, Vivek's family considered us married. Anyway, after Vivek tied the knot, we walked around the fire several times, and after each cycle we had to sit back down again and throw more things into the fire. And, each time I sat down in the new sari, it would somehow catch itself on my leg and reveal too much to the people around me (nothing more than you might see with shorts around here). As a result there was almost always someone nearby to pull it back down for me. It was a bit embarrassing to have someone there, ready to jump at the sight of my calves...I always thought that people didn't really want to see them!

At some point soon after Vivek tied the knot, his cousin put a couple toe rings on my feet. You can see her doing that in this next picture. Supposedly, the toe rings are meant to ease the pain of child-birth, but even though I wasn't in labor, or expecting to be any time soon, I was told that I must never take the toe rings off.....I wonder how many women follow that rule, and how strict it really is meant to be.


Well, eventually the fire died (the holy fire, that is), and we were done. I don't remember the end so well. I do know that we then transitioned to a situation that was very similar to our reception - people handed us gifts and lots of photographs were taken. This also eventually ended, and then we were free to seek the blessings of our elders. To do this, they took some rice from a bowl and we touched their feet - to bless us they threw rice on our heads.

From there we were off to Vivek's house where one last ceremony needed to be performed. Traditionally, wives would move in with their husband and his parents after they got married. The groom's family welcomes the bride into the home by doing something with ladoos and giving her milk and banana. Here's a picture of us during the ceremony outside Vivek's parents home (my mother in law and sister in law are the ones holding a plate of ladoos, and my Uncle Bill is the one with the camera in the back):


As you can see, this is not a part of the ceremony that most people witness, and in fact, there were probably fewer than 10 people there. In any case it was important, and we even delayed our first meal of the day in order to perform it. So, my grumbling stomach was thrilled to have more bananas and milk. More importantly, to me, it represented one important beginning of our marriage - from then on I would be welcomed into his family's home as his wife.